My ninety two year old grandfather passed on last week.  We will miss him dearly.  It’s always sad to lose a loved one; however, there is something slightly comforting about the fact that he lived to be ninety two years of age.

His passing does have me wondering if, in his mind, his life was a full one.  This question prompted me to do a little research on the most common regrets of the elderly.  Based on the life expectancy in this nation, the majority of us will live well into our golden years.  Personally, I would like to make the most of my time here on earth and I’m guessing you would too so even if the senior discount seems a long ways away from now, I believe you will be interested in what I discovered.

The Most Common REGRET OF THE ELDERLY

In 2004, a Cornell University professor by the name of Karl Pillemer launched The Legacy Project.  Fifteen hundred Americans over the age of sixty five were asked about the most important lessons they learned over the course of their lives.  Apparently Professor Pillemer was not prepared for the answer.  He expected “big” regrets like addictions, affairs, bad business decisions, etc.  Nope, it turns out that the most common regret was worrying too much.  

After reading multiple lists of the top regrets of the elderly, I’m not surprised that worry came in at number one because it tends to be the root of many of the other common regrets this age group shares.

Here are some of the other regrets I discovered:

• wishing they hadn’t cared so much about what others thought
• been happier
• pursued the career they dreamed of instead of what their parents wanted for them
• working too much
• playing it too safe
• passing up on the “dream job”
• never asking her or him out on a date

All of the regrets above can be tied to fear of the unknown, otherwise known as worry.

According to scientists who study worry, the key characteristic is that it takes place in the absence of actual or real stressors.  In other words, most worrying occurs when there is nothing concrete or “real” to worry about.

How To Reduce Regret

To reduce the number of regrets in our lives experts recommend spending more time on problem solving and less time worrying.  Another way to look at it is to focus on the solution rather than the problem.  For example, if you are worried about money, then start a savings account and create a realistic budget that helps you to build up wealth.  Focus on the solution rather than the problem.

Or, if you are worried about what others think of you, ask yourself why you care.  If it’s your boss and you want to improve your performance, continue to sharpen your skills and be the employee you would want to hire.  If you are worried about something like how you look in a bathing suit, remind yourself that most people are more worried about how they look in their own bathing suit and focus on enjoying yourself and the environment around you.  Be the empowering example that sets others free at the beach. 🙂

It’s also important to remember not to worry about things we can’t control.  I can’t make anyone like me.  However, I can continue to work on my people skills and do my best to be someone that others like to be around.  Not everyone that walks this earth is going to like me so as long as I know I’m giving it my best shot, I can’t worry about pleasing everyone.

Worrying does more than just steal your joy.  It’s hard on your health and can keep you from walking toward your destiny.

Fortunately, problem solving has the opposite effect of worry.  Focusing on solutions will empower you, relieve stress, and help you move forward toward success.

One of the most valuable things a seasoned or elderly person can share is their wisdom and experience.  Let’s learn from their regrets and do our best to have less of our own when we’re asked the same question at their age.

Shared with love,
Jennifer Ledford