Tag: secrets to success

The Most Common Regret For Older Americans And How You Can Avoid It

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My ninety two year old grandfather passed on last week.  We will miss him dearly.  It’s always sad to lose a loved one; however, there is something slightly comforting about the fact that he lived to be ninety two years of age.

His passing does have me wondering if, in his mind, his life was a full one.  This question prompted me to do a little research on the most common regrets of the elderly.  Based on the life expectancy in this nation, the majority of us will live well into our golden years.  Personally, I would like to make the most of my time here on earth and I’m guessing you would too so even if the senior discount seems a long ways away from now, I believe you will be interested in what I discovered.

The Most Common REGRET OF THE ELDERLY

In 2004, a Cornell University professor by the name of Karl Pillemer launched The Legacy Project.  Fifteen hundred Americans over the age of sixty five were asked about the most important lessons they learned over the course of their lives.  Apparently Professor Pillemer was not prepared for the answer.  He expected “big” regrets like addictions, affairs, bad business decisions, etc.  Nope, it turns out that the most common regret was worrying too much.  

After reading multiple lists of the top regrets of the elderly, I’m not surprised that worry came in at number one because it tends to be the root of many of the other common regrets this age group shares.

Here are some of the other regrets I discovered:

  • wishing they hadn’t cared so much about what others thought
  • been happier
  • pursued the career they dreamed of instead of what their parents wanted for them
  • working too much
  • playing it too safe
  • passing up on the “dream job”
  • never asking her or him out on a date

All of the regrets above can be tied to fear of the unknown, otherwise known as worry.

According to scientists who study worry, the key characteristic is that it takes place in the absence of actual or real stressors.  In other words, most worrying occurs when there is nothing concrete or “real” to worry about.

How To Reduce Regret

To reduce the number of regrets in our lives experts recommend spending more time on problem solving and less time worrying.  Another way to look at it is to focus on the solution rather than the problem.  For example, if you are worried about money, then start a savings account and create a realistic budget that helps you to build up wealth.  Focus on the solution rather than the problem.

Or, if you are worried about what others think of you, ask yourself why you care.  If it’s your boss and you want to improve your performance, continue to sharpen your skills and be the employee you would want to hire.  If you are worried about something like how you look in a bathing suit, remind yourself that most people are more worried about how they look in their own bathing suit and focus on enjoying yourself and the environment around you.  Be the empowering example that sets others free at the beach. 🙂

It’s also important to remember not to worry about things we can’t control.  I can’t make anyone like me.  However, I can continue to work on my people skills and do my best to be someone that others like to be around.  Not everyone that walks this earth is going to like me so as long as I know I’m giving it my best shot, I can’t worry about pleasing everyone.

Worrying does more than just steal your joy.  It’s hard on your health and can keep you from walking toward your destiny.

Fortunately, problem solving has the opposite effect of worry.  Focusing on solutions will empower you, relieve stress, and help you move forward toward success.

One of the most valuable things a seasoned or elderly person can share is their wisdom and experience.  Let’s learn from their regrets and do our best to have less of our own when we’re asked the same question at their age.

Shared with love,
Jennifer Ledford

 

Never Give Up: How To Stick To Your Goals And Dreams Long-Term

Obstacle - Man Jumping Over Word on Arrow - Never Give Up - Overcome Obstacles

My husband and I recently had some big breakthroughs at our house.  Major milestones have been reached and we’ve made it over some pretty big hurdles that we were climbing.  At times, I thought it might be easier to just go and climb Mt. Everest but I really don’t like being cold.

All humor aside, our success had nothing to do with being more special than anyone else.  A lot of it was due to our attitude.  We both agreed that quitting was not an option.  We knew that quitting would be way harder to deal with than the hard work and faith required to make it to the finish line.

Never Give Up

When it comes to long-term goals, staying consistent and avoiding the temptation to give up takes strength and determination.  I think that’s one of the reasons long-term goals can be tough to stick to, especially when things seem to be moving at a snail’s pace.  Patience can be a challenge which is why I’m so grateful for my faith in God’s promises and prayer.  It’s what keeps me going each and every day.

I don’t think anyone ever sets a goal or takes on a challenge with the intention of giving up.  However, I do think that setting goals that are unrealistic or not your own can be a recipe for failure.  When chasing your dreams and goals, here are some very important things to consider:

  • What’s motivating you?  Is it a strong desire in your heart or are you wanting acceptance from another person?  It’s okay to prove the world they were wrong about you as long as it’s something YOU want.
  • Go at your own pace.  Some people can aggressively lose weight and others need to take it at a steady pace of something like a half pound per week.  You need to find what works best for you and the season in your life.  This applies to any goal you set.
  • Do you have all of the information you need?  In other words, do you know what you need to do to succeed or do you need to hire a coach, read some books, take some lessons, etc.?
  • You don’t have to go it alone.  Do-it-yourself is great but there comes a time when you may need to delegate some of your responsibilities to others in order to reach your goals.  For example, having a housekeeper allows me time to meal plan and grocery shop which in turn helps our family stick to the goal of maintaining our weight.
  • Tell fear to take a hike!  Fear can rear its ugly head when you begin something new.  For some, it can be a fear of success and for others a fear of failure.  A combination of the two can show up as well.  It’s not uncommon to feel overwhelmed when starting something new which can cause a fear of success because the workload may seem too intense.  Much like parenting or getting a new puppy, once you figure out your groove it gets easier and what  was once overwhelming will become natural to you overtime.  When fear or overwhelm pop up I remind myself of something that I’ve mastered and tell myself – that, over time, I’ll master the new goal as well.  This works well no matter what the root of the fear is.  Pep talks are a great thing!
  • You’re going to have to work for it.  It’s no secret that worthy goals require work and commitment.  That doesn’t mean you should overwork yourself or let it consume you. Balance is key to sustaining anything long-term.  Working hard means you’ll want to dedicate a consistent amount of time that you know you can realistically commit to your goal.
  • Don’t quit.  Resistance is normal when you are working toward a worthy goal or overcoming a trial in your life.  When you feel like quitting it usually means success is right around the corner.

Over the years I’ve learned that when you’ve been working on a goal or overcoming a challenge for an extended period of time it can almost seem surreal when it comes to pass and you make it to the finish line.  Some people like to celebrate.  I prefer to take a pause and sit on the beach with a glass of wine and watch the waves. When something has taken months and even years to accomplish, I just need a moment to breathe.  How you choose to celebrate your accomplishments is personal and you should take a moment to do so.  You earned it!

It’s also a good idea to avoid spending too much time celebrating the past.  I recommend that you set new goals shortly after any milestone you reach and focus your attention on the future.  For example, if you’ve lost weight then your new goal should be maintaining it.  This helps you to maintain your success and continue moving forward.  Life doesn’t always go as planned.  It is, however,  a lot easier to handle the bumps in the road when you have a destination in mind.

Here’s to a purpose-driven week and NEVER giving up on your goals and dreams!

With Love,
Jennifer